i didn't even guarantee i'd be great.
the only thing i gave you was everything i had in me.
- Location:bungalow
- Mood:
exhausted - Music:lydia
it's a thought i try my hardest to keep out of my mind.
then i never have to really realize i am in fact, alone.
what a difficult thing this is for me to process.
to discover i completely understand.
it wasn't because you were busy at work.
it wasn't because we were five hours apart.
it wasn't because i loved you too much.
it was simply because you never really liked me in the first place.
the wheels stopped turning.
and i think a part of me just died inside.
kind of like your phone did when i called to tell you i finally did figure it out.
he's just not that into you.
thank you.
- Location:bungalow
- Mood: lonely
- Music:iron and wine
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
it's always you in my big dreams
And I tell you
That it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And I'm restless
And you're naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
No, could you let me go?
I didn't think so
And you don't want to be here in the future
So you say,
"The present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past"
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
and it did because of you
And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your arms
But we don't have much room
To live
You had these dreams, in them you learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in you
That you could take me there
But damn it, you're so broken
Well I don't think I care
and if you hurt me then you're sorry
please don't think that this was easy
And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what it's like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your arms
But we don't have much room
To live
And Konstantine is walking down the hall
Doesn't he look good
Standing in his underwear?
And I was thinking, what I was thinking?
But he's been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere
My Konstantine came walking down the hall
And all that I could do
Was run my fingers through his hair
And I've been thinking
It hurts me thinking
That these nights when you were drinking
No they never got us anywhere, no
This is because I can spell konfusion with a K
And I can like it
It's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
and those nights on the road
"when the first star you see
may not be a star"
I'm not your star
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?
And if this is what it takes
just to lie with your mistakes
and live with what you did to me
All the hell you put me through
I always catch the clock, it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine
They'll never hurt me like you do
No, They'll never hurt me like you do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No
This is to a guy who got into my head
with all the pretty things he did
Hey, You know, you keep me up in bed
This is to a guy who got into my head
with all these fucked up things he did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine
You spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And I said,
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
Did you know I miss you?
I miss you...
And then I bring you home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no
And then you'll kiss me while I'm in your arms, oh
You know I miss me in your arms
Cause these nights I think maybe that you miss me in your arms
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live
...My Konstantine.
- Location:intern house
- Mood:
nostalgic - Music:something corporate
i never understood what a habit it would be come.
the last time i saw you they were quick and your distance was short.
five strides and you were gone.
and what i wouldn't give to have those give steps back again.
</3
- Mood:
cynical - Music:quietdrive
With every word to leave your lips, my body feels the cold in it.
Heart sank, you hit me point blank and stayed to watch me fall.
To watch me fall right at your feet on the floor.
And the view from here cannot convince, you're still the same face of eloquence.
If I could finally get myself over it without taking the world down with me.
If I could get myself to get over it.
Pardon me but you're a part of me. I'm now accepting all apologies.
The least that you can do is stop my sky from falling.
You said we'd make it out in time, but you're getaway left me behind.
With every word we're caving in. I'm tossing, turning over it.
Feels like we're more than broken, with every passing moment.
Remember when you said the way you felt with me was "something like a dream, unlike anything?"
Well with the way you're staring at me recently, It's like you don't even recognize me.
Wait a minute, just close you're eyes I know you're tired but focus.
And say we'll make it.
Just say we'll make it.
Please say we'll make it.
God say we'll make it.
Here lies a memory the statue of everything,
- Mood: crushed
the only reason for missing you, is because i miss who i was when i was with you.
i'm still working on that.
fixing what you broke.
and that temporary new love, he awakened this heart from it's cold grave.
i realized that moving on was okay-i had grieved the death of this romance.
however, i've never been the same since you.
you stole the light from my eyes.
removed a part of my soul.
i miss how i used to feel.
i walk around like a piece of me is missing.
two and half years later, i still forget that i'm holding myself together.
this is always supposed to get easier.
and for the most part, it honestly is.
but i want to be completely whole.
i just don't know how to do that.
i'm unsure of the correct steps to be taking.
i'm inching forward.
breathing in and out.
laughing.
burying what once sucked the breath right out of me.
this really is a lot easier.
i just hate feeling broken still.
i may be damaged goods, but i am goods nonetheless.
- Location:galt, ca
- Mood:
confused - Music:third eye blind
i've been reading this book the past week.
i love reading, it's one of my favorite things.
however this book in particular has opened up gaping wounds in me.
things i thought had long since healed.
i only apparently became strong enough to deal with them.
not that being strong is a bad thing.
it's being still wounded that is.
i can't sleep.
i just keep reading this book that opens up this hole inside of me further and further.
what am i seeking?
why am i probing further to find out what this is?
i know what is wrong.
i guess i just don't know how to get over it.
god if it's possible please make this swift.
help me regain the power i once had over this.
i know i cannot face this alone.
i need a strong hand,
and a heavy heart to survive.
- Location:california
- Mood:shattered
- Location:over it, california
- Mood:crabby
- Music:skin and bones
it keeps taking me further, further away from you.
what used to be painful, stabbing memories.
are now things i can barely recall.
i needed this hurt to remain here.
despite the pain, it reminded me i was alive.
and without being angry, or quite frankly even caring,
i have emerged on the other side.
and what will become of me?
without a brooding memory.
tears have been replaced by smiles that reach my eyes.
and in processing the pain, i have found there are things worth pursuing.
i have come to several conclusions.
some more complex than than the others.
but most importantly.
this has been answered.
so what am i without you?
well that's it: without you i'm just me.
and i'm beginning to realize how okay that really is.
- Location:foggy california
- Mood:complex
- Music:acceptance
i'm lost without you.
- Location:overcast galt, ca.
- Music:blink-182
and i'm not dead.
but sometimes i wished for either.
at least there is peace without the constant memory.
they were right to put into stone that death was easy and life was hard.
but if we're being completely honest here, i'd take life any day.
despite it being hard.
despite the constant ache of my hollow chest.
despite the fact that without you i'm just me.
all i've had was thoughts and memories in my head.
then of course the absolutely unreality of what you and me could be.
i can't believe i'm walking away.
but again, life isn't easy.
- Location:california
- Mood: aggravated
- Music:the all american rejects
A few final words before I am deceased.
If I could have your attention, observe this fuse.
Leads to these explosives that I'm about to use.
Before you freak out, just let me explain.
This bomb is the answer to all of my pain.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that we never feel the heat until we get burned.
But we try so hard not to die.
Sometimes we forget to appreciate life, oh no.
When the spark reaches powder, I will blow up.
I'll become the mist you breathe into your lungs.
All of my love will then turn into yours.
And you will feel hope bleeding out from your pores.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that we never feel the heat until we get burned.
But we try so hard not to die.
Sometimes we forget to appreciate life, oh no.
Dad, you were there when nobody was.
I followed your lead, now I'm proud of what I've become.
Brittney, you never cease to amaze me.
Maybe someday we'll get another chance to be.
Mom, I wished you would try a little harder.
Maybe catch a show or two, would that be such a bother?
To all my friends, where do I start?
I know I'd be dead without you in my heart.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that we never feel the heat until we get burned.
But we try so hard not to die.
Sometimes we forget to appreciate life.
- Mood:awake
- Music:the spill canvas
When you said you needed me, did you really need me or was it just someone – oh, you’d take anything. Am I first on that list of yours, or am I second, or third? So, who’s that ahead of me, some harlot from Pittsburgh? Or Detroit, Santa Fe, or San Diego? I know you’re so alone, but how much affection does one guy really need?
Did you date a lot in high school? Were you always chasing girls? Couldn’t you find some young valentine to steal your heart for good? Were you content, or contemptible? Are your memories pleasant, or is it a string of endless flings of bitter resentment. Seems that what you want and what you need doesn’t mean a thing, we’re just here for the taking.
When you said you’d hurt me, did you think you hurt me? Are you really that cocky? Oh, what a heartbreaker! Well, I’ve got my armor – yeah, I’ve been through some battles before – and I met your old girlfriend, she said, “Baby, don’t bother.” She told me you told her you’d hurt her….funny, how familiar. So, how much of this relationship was rehearsed?
Did you act out as a child? Were you always crying wolf? Attention-starved, you tried too hard to get someone to look. Now you’re the wolf in second-hand clothing; I’m the sheep in a pleated skirt. It’s an awkward form of payback, but if it works for you – it works. It’s that I recognize your off-white lies, still, I lie beside you – and that’s what really hurts.
When you said you’d leave me…well, why haven’t you left me? What are we still doing here, so desperate for company? There’s a greyhound on Jackson Street, there’s an airport in Council Bluffs…hell, there’s a car in the driveway – fifty ways to get lost.
But as I hold you and listen to you sleeping, I’m starting to wonder if I really believe that you’d ever really leave. Would you leave me an orphan, in that big, brown leather chair? The one you’ve lugged around from town to town for all these years. It’s the trophy of your childhood, like a shark’s tooth or gator skin boots – but this one holds you prisoner – it holds me prisoner too. What we need to set us free is to let go of each other – let go of everything.
When I said I loved you, it was because I loved you. When I said I needed you, well, I really need you. Yeah, I guess you hurt me, for once you’re a man of your words. Well, guess what – I’m leaving – I can’t be your prisoner.
I won’t.
- Mood: confused
- Music:the good life
i knew this would happen, it always does when you leave me for the next city.
one thing about being on the road is it takes you away from home.
home isn't where the heart is.
it's wherever you and i are.
so please come back this way soon.
i don't know how much longer i can hold this all together.
it's tearing me apart at the seams.
and i'd give anything to place my head on your chest.
listening to your heart beat is my favorite melody.
i'm never as good as when you're here.
- Mood: lonely
- Music:emery
It's your ability to make me earn this.
I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep.
It's about how you laugh out of pity,
'Cause lets be honest I'm not really that funny.
I know that you're shot, just let me sing you to sleep.
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close.
It's those pills that you don't need to take,
medicating perfection, now that's a mistake.
I know that you're spent, just let me sing you to sleep.
It's your finger and how I'm wrapped around it.
It's your grace and how it keeps me grounded.
I know that you're weak, just let me sing you to sleep.
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close.
While you were sleeping I figured out everything,
I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me.
Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins.
You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame.
(Oh)
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything. (I really do)
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close.
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close.
- Location:intern house
- Mood:
tired - Music:the spill canvas
i'm bidding on a prize where everyone has more than me.
i might lose you in the end of all this.
right now it's a thought i can't bare.
i can't compete with the bright lights.
you can't compete with my dreams.
i'm always watching you, watching me, watching you leave.
get in the car, you said i could always wait.
dreams don't wait, dear, they pass you by if you don't give them a chance.
mine's here now, so i'm so sorry i have to chase it.
watching me, watching you, watching me leave you.
too bad i left more of me with you than i took with me.
"Pardon me for saying so but you look more pitiful
Than I had ever imagined
Despite perfect fashion
And your photographs depict you so differently
I always thought you would be, some sort of match for me
So let's decide who can survive
Stomping feet and racing beats
Of hearts that don't ever slow
Then I'll write letters on white paper
Expressing my deep disappointment"
- Mood:
anxious - Music:emery
I know I could drive all night just to stay here with you
At the end the night well embrace and stare at the star filled night
Would it be alright if we didn't say goodbye this time?
I'll wait and wonder when our next time will be
I'll see you next week, hopefully
I wish it were sooner
At the end of my trip well embrace and stare at the star filled night
Would it be alright if we didnt say goodbye this time?
Every time you're away I feel a distance I can't take
Watching you drive away, oh it kills me
I'll be alright
Have no worries
I'm just a bit over anxious
And maybe a little impatient
At the end of the night next time after we look at the star filled night
Can we escape to a far away land where we will forever remain..
Living as one and walking hand in hand
- Mood: anxious
- Music:corey crowder
walk down the plywood planks that somehow form stairs.
hear the roar of the water crashing down.
suddnenly you are on warm sand.
it is grainy and covering your toes.
now lift your head slowly from your feet.
pan your eyes across the horizon upon your favorite place.
much to my surprise something caught my eye.
in the very end of my glance across the ocean waves there you stood.
"GET OFF MY BEACH," my head screamed at you.
You never responded.
I raced myself down the soft sand, into the wet grains of glass, and quickly threw myself into the cool salt water.
I watched carefully as you came closer I swam further out.
you always hated ocean water.
you stood directly across from me, never letting a wave get close enough.
hollow eyes to match my hollow heart.
you would never come into the ocean today.
much to my pleading as you did when this moment occurred in reality.
i had told you i wouldn't get out of the water.
i would spend every second in there until you came and got me.
how could someone love the beach but not the ocean?
i wanted you to feel the power of the current pulling you away.
the strength of the waves as they raced to the shore.
that day-that very real day- you swam into the ocean against your better desires,
to plant a kiss on my lips as water crashed around us.
but today-in my day dream-where i meant to walk alone, you wouldn't place a single toe into the pacific ocean.
i hate the vivid reality of realizing you are off somewhere else.
the phone calls from you don't help me any.
they make me miss you more-especially when i finally think i'm over this.
so until you plan on pulling me out of the water let me have the beach in peace, please for my sake.
- Mood:
apathetic - Music:spitalfield
i cannot wait a handful of days to see you.
the anticipation is slowly morphing into anxiety.
emptyness fills me the longer we're apart.
once i've locked my eyes upon yours, calm instantly comes over me.
i am looking forward to that peaceful feeling.
also, basking in the glow of your beautiful smile.
no one can take my breath away like you.
i forget to breathe when being blinded by your beauty.
i keep hoping one day to be enough so i can be yours forever.
i might not be the best girl out there, but i have loved you nonetheless.
i feel my heart would cease to beat if i were to never see you again.
everyday is one day less that i can spend with you.
you don't know the sadness that fills me with.
hurry down the highways and across the waters.
i look forward to the road that leads you to the southern atlantic coast.
i miss you.
i will dread it after it pulls you back away from me.
but for the days spent in your presence,
i will feel alive again.
- Mood: restless
- Music:acceptance
i keep asking myself why i never went back.
then I ask myself why i ever left.
i met a stupid boy, on the stupid road who now has every single piece of me.
with absolutely no intent of ever giving me any part of him.
he builds me up.
watches me fall.
doesn't help me piece back together at all.
so at this point all i can do is give it over to God.
to allow his beauty and grace to guide me through.
for all that this really comes down to is trusting in him.
i have tried this my way.
and my way has failed.
so i surrender this heart and ask for it to be whole again.
i'm going to sleep now, and i ask for my dreams to be free.
i don't need you visiting me to further set me back.
find a new heart to haunt.
this one is a work in progress.
- Mood: groggy
- Music:lydia
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misschloerose- Miss Chloe
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